OKAY. ARE YOU READY TO GET YOUR TITS BLOWN OUT THE SIDE OF YOUR FREAKING CHILDHOOD? THEN BRACE YOURSELF FOR THE OSCURE MYTHOLOGY THAT IS MAZZ MATTA! WHEN MAZZ FIRST CAME INTO MY NIGHTMARES OVER A YEAR AGO, I REMEMBER THINKING “IS THIS GUY WAITING FOR THE BUS OR IS THIS GUY A STAR HEADED STRAIGHT FOR THE FREAKING MOON! AND MY FRIENDS LET ME TELL YOU, MATTA IS A MOON GOD IF I’VE EVER SEEN ONE. AND BELIEVE ME IVE SEEN MANY GODDAMMIT!

“THANKS MATE” - WILL SMITH

SO YOU WANNA HEAR MORE?! OK IM HERE FOR THAT. I’LL TELL YOU EVERYTHING. JUST RELAX ALREADY, GIVE ME A MINUTE TO CATCH MY BREATH.

MAZZ FIRST TOOK THE FREALING STAGE FOR ALL ITS WORTH IN 2017. HE STARTED OUT DOING GAGS, JOKES, STORYTELLING, YOU KNOW - REGULAR STAND UP SHIT. HE STARTED TO MAKE A NAME FOR HIMSELF BUT DIDNT BELIEVE THAT WAS HIS CALLING AT ALL.

FAST FORWARD TO 2021 AND MATTA GROWS A CHARACTER WHO HAS THE SAME NAME AS HIMSELF BUT ISNT HIM AT ALL? YOU GET IT?! WHAT YOU WANT ME TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU? THE GUYS THE WHACKADOO YOU’VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR YOUR WHOLE LIFE.

THERE IS NO ACT OUT THERE LIKE MAZZ MATTA. YOU JUST WONT FIND IT! THINK OBSCURITY, WORD PLAY, PROPS, MAGIC, MUSIC, POETRY, COOKING, SINGING, PRAYER, COSTUME & TONNES OF OTHER WORDS. YOU WANT ANYTHING IMAGINABLE DONE AND YOU WANT TO FEEL WEIRD AS WELL AS SATISFIED WHILE ITS DONE? MATTA MATTERS!

NOW HERE IS SOME SHIT HE’S WON. BECAUSE THIS IS A CLIENT LIST OF WINNERS:

• 2022 COMEDY COLLECTIVE COMEDIAN OF THE YEAR (A TITLE HE STILL HOLDS)

• LAUGHS IN THE GHETTO ROAST BATTLE UNDEFEATED CHAMPION OF THE UNIVERSE

ASIDE FROM WINNING THE COSMIC INFINITUM OF CREATIVE CONQUESTS, MAZZ PERFORMS WEEKLY AT MELBOURNE’S SPEAKEASY THEATRE. HE IS A REGULAR ATTRACTION WHO A SWARM OF MAMMALS FLOCK TO SEE REGULARLY. MATTA ALSO PERFORMED AT RIDLEY’S COMEDY CASTLE IN DETROIT MICHIGAN, USA.

MAZZ IS A FEATURED TALENT FOR “THE ONE LINERS SHOW” AT BOTH THE MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL COMEDY FESTIVAL AND THE GEELONG COMEDY FESTIVAL. THIS IS A VERY POPULAR SHOW THAT HAS BEEN RUNNING FOR TWO YEARS NOW.

I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING. “GREAT! BUT WHAT ABOUT THE FAMOUS PEOPLE?! WHO ARE THE STARS HE HAS ORBITTED?!!! WHATS THE DEAL WITH THE WILL SMITH QUOTE?!!!” WELL, HERE IT IS:

MAZZ MATTA OPENED FOR MANY STARS. HERE ARE THEIR REVIEWS: 

“THANKS MATE” - WILL SMITH

“CHEERS” - JOHN FARNHAM

“BRILLIANT WORK” - ERIC BANA

HE OPENED CAR DOORS FOR EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM OUTSIDE THE CROWN CASINO LOBBY.

OKAY I KNOW I KNOW. TRICKY TRICKY. WELL HERE ARE SOME PERFORMANCE REVIEWS THEN:

“WELL DONE” - LEYTON HEWITT

"VERY WELL DONE” - PRICILLA PRESLEY

AS HEAD WAIT STAFF AT A NOTABLE MELBOURNE STEAKHOUSE, MAZZ HEARD IT ALL!

ALL OF THIS IS MAKING YOU HUNGRY I HEAR? MAZZ WAS FEATURED ON “NO GARLIC NO ONIONS” WITH ANTHONY RAHAEL - RENOWNED NUMBER 1 FOOD BLOGGER. MATTA PERFORMED FOR HIM AS WELL! IS THERE NOTHING HE CANT DO?!

FIND HIM ON FACEBOOK, FIND HIM ON INSTAGRAM. FIND HIM IN THE BUSHES, FIND HIM GUILTY (EVEN THOUGH WE ALL KNOW HE DIDNT DO IT)

SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! IM NOT GOING TO MESSAGE ME FOR YOU. THAT WOULD NOT DO ANY OF US ANY FAVOURS. CALL ME TODAY