THIS FREAKIN GUY OVER HERE. WHERE DO I EVEN START? HE HAS BEEN MY CLIENT FOR OVER 25 YEARS NOW. 30 YEARS AGO HE TOOK MY FIRST WIFE AWAY FROM ME AS PART OF OUR DIVORCE SETTLEMENT. AFTER 3 WEEKS WITH AKMAL SHE LEFT THE COUNTRY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND MOVED TO WACO TEXAS. NONE OF US HEARED FROM HER AGAIN. SHE MUST’VE JUST FALLEN IN A 3 DECADE LONG LOVE DREIDEL WITH HER NEW HUSBAND VERNON. WE WISH HER ALL THE BEST. AKMAL CIRCUMCISED 6 OF MY 9 CHILDREN TO 4 DIFFERENT WIVES. THIS IS HOW YOU BUILD AGENT/CLIENT TRUST. IF YOU CAN SNIP THE TOP OF MY KIDS PICKLE THEN WE CAN WORK TOGETHER FOR A LONG TIME. WELL, THATS SHOWBIZ.

“MAX BESSEL HAS ALWAYS BEEN HELPFUL & THOUGHTFUL. MANY YEARS AGO I TOLD HIM THAT MY WIFE HAD GREAT DIFFICULTY ACHIEVING AN ORGASM. HE WAS SO CONCERNED THAT HE TOOK HER INTO HIS HOME TO TRY AND HELP. WHEN SHE SUDDENLY AND UNEXPECTEDLY WENT MISSING, MANY PEOPLE UNJUSTLY SUSPECTED MAX OF WRONG DOING. BUT THESE PEOPLE WERE CLEARLY ANTISEMETIC” - AKMAL SALEH

THIS GUY? WHAT? HE’S DONE IT ALL. MOVIES, SKETCH, STAND-UP, TV, RADIO DISC JOCKEY AND TALK SHOW HOST, IMPROV. HE EVEN WROTE A FREAKIN BOOK. IN THIS MINED OUT DESERT HELL HOLE AKMAL IS A GODDAMN HOUSEHOLD NAME ALREADY. HE TALKS ABOUT WHATEVER YOU WANT. WHAT? YOU DONT BELIEVE ME? HE DOES IT ALL. WHATEVER YOU WANT HIM TO DO. HE’S FUNNY, HE’S QUICK. HE’S BIG THIS GUY IS HUGE. I TRIED TO CARRY HIM TO THE BUICK REGAL WASTED ONE NIGHT, I COULDNT EVEN LIFT A FREAKING LEG. HUGE! THIS GUY IS HUGE.

I DONT HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT HIS ACT. YOU KNOW HIS FECACKTER ACT ALREADY. HE’S DONE TV THIS GUY. ROVE, THE GLASSHOUSE AND THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE.

WHAT DID HE DO AFTER THAT? SETTLE DOWN I’LL TELL YOU. SELL OUT SHOWS FREAKING EVERYWHERE. SHOWS LIKE 'HOOT' AND 'GULLIBLE'. AKMAL WROTE AND WAS THE STAR OF 'ALL AUSSIES ARE BOOFTA' - A SKETCH COMEDY SHOW THAT DID 3 SEASONS AND WAS SEEN BY ALL THE IMPORTANT SCHLUBS IN THE BIZ. THE LEGENDARY HAROLD PARK HOTEL, THE PARRAMATTA RIVERSIDE THEATRE AND THE HARBOURSIDE BRASSERIE. HE HAS DONE FESTIVALS ALL AROUND THE WORLD. ADELAIDE FRINGE FESTIVAL, MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL COMEDY FESTIVAL, VANCOUVER COMEDY FESTIVAL,JUST FOR LAUGHS COMEDY FESTIVAL IN MONTREAL, NEW ZEALAND COMEDY FESTIVAL AND THE EDINBURGH FRINGE FESTIVAL.

AKMAL WROTE AND STARRED IN THE FEATURE FILM 'YOU CAN'T STOP THE MURDERS'. PEOPLE LIKED IT. TRUST ME. YOU THINK HE HAD ENOUGH THEN? YOU BET YOUR TITS HE DIDNT BABY. HE WROTE 'THE 40 FOOT SHOW'. AS A RESULT OF THIS HE THEN HOSTED THE POPULAR 'THE WRONGWAYHOME'

SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING COMEDY COMEDY TOUR SOMETHING. AND THAT BRINGS US TO 2024.

THIS GUY JUST WONT STOP MAKING FREAKING ART! HE IS STILL TOURING. STILL MAKING COMEDY. HE IS JUST ABOUT TO START THE PODCAST EVERYONE HAS BEEN TALKING ABOUT “TWO ARABS AND A JEW” WITH 2 OTHER MAX BESSEL CLIENTS (DUUVY JESTER AND RAMI TICK).

SO THATS IT! WHAT? YOU WANT ME TO HOLD YOUR HAND? I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. JUST BOOK THE FREAKING GUY ALREADY. IF HE STOPS WORKING FOR A SECOND AKMAL DOESNT KNOW WHAT TO DO. HE HAS ADHD. COME ON DONT BE A SHMUCK. BOOK THE GUY ALREADY