WE TURN REGULAR SCHLUBS INTO FREAKING STARS! THATS WHAT WE DO! AND WE DO IT WELL…

THIS ENTIRE THING HERE WAS STARTED BY ME, MAX BESSEL. FREAKING LEGEND ON LEGS. IVE SPENT MY ENTIRE CAREER DESTROYING EVERY MARRIAGE, EVERY FRIENDSHIP, MISSED EVERY FAMILY BAR-MITZVAH, FUNERAL AND WEDDING TO MAKE SURE MY CLIENTS HAVE THE BEST GOD DAMN CHANCE TO REACH THE FREAKING MOON! AND I DONT REGRET ANY OF IT. MY KIDS DO BUT WHO GIVES A SHIT. THEY’LL INHERIT THIS NIGHTMARE WHEN MY BLOATED JEW CARCASS FINALLY HITS THE DIRT EITHER WAY.

WHO ARE YOU ANYWAY? A BOOKER? A PROMOTER? WELL I GOT WHAT YOU NEED RIGHT HERE. A CLIENT LIST FULL OF WINNERS. THE ACTS I REPRESENT ARE THE BEST IN THE GAME. NO SOFT PUNCHES. ONLY COMPLETE FREAKIN KNOCK OUTS!

I’VE REPRESENTED ACTORS, MUSICIANS, CIRCUS FREAKS AND WHOEVER THE HELL WANTS TO WIN. BUT MY ALL TIME SPECIALTY IS REPRESENTING COMICS. GOD DAMMIT IF YOU ARE A COMEDIAN WITH ROCKS IN YOUR POCKET AND A SONG IN YOUR HEART, IM YOUR GUY. I’LL GET YOU THE ROOM YOU WANNA DO, THE ACT YOU WANNA OPEN FOR AND THE HOUR YOU WANNA RELEASE ON THIS WET SPINNING ROCK IN THE SKY.

SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? A PLAYFUL SLAP ON THE TUCHUS? I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT. I’M BUSY MAKING FREAKING DREAMS COME TRUE. CONTACT ME NOW. IT’LL BE THE BEST THING YOU EVER DID.

- MAX BESSEL, AGENT TO THE STARS